


... Nice

by Youwerenevermeanttofeelalone



Category: Star Wars
Genre: F/M, Suggestive Themes, TRoS Spoilers, mentions of what kylo ren did, reader is a grey jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22277962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youwerenevermeanttofeelalone/pseuds/Youwerenevermeanttofeelalone
Summary: The force guided you toward him, it’s as simple snd complicated as that.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Black Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Plus Size Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo| Kylo Ren/Black!Plus Size Reader
Kudos: 13





	... Nice

**Author's Note:**

> Request something on tumblr if you like. You can find me there’s at @youwerenevermeanttofeelalone

Cold cheeks under your hands gained temperature as your body was slowly drained of energy. You miscalculated how much effort it would take to resuscitate Ben, when you felt his loss through the force something shifted inside you— for a Jedi who had always been in the grey area of the force you had felt way too much rage. 

You knew the man under your touch deserved atonement, that the things he had done, the organization he had joined and led for a while were rotten. A part of you didn’t judge him when you weren’t aware of his past, the other stood against everything he had perpetrated upon millions of living beings— because of that, you solely let the force to guide you, it knew better than you after all, and it had led you to him. 

Ben sat up, confused as to who the woman in front of him was. He softly took your hands off his face, curiously looking at you. “Why did you do that?”

You lifted a finger so he’d give you a moment to at least recover your breath. He seemed to understand you felt tired, Ben nodded slowly and stood up in wobbly legs. 

He looked around, a pained semblance breaking through his face as he did so. You felt the urge of comforting him, the force pushing you to do it no matter how tired you felt. Your legs were more wobbly than his, but you achieved to stay on your feet. 

Your steps were slow, calculated so you wouldn’t trip. Exegol’s environment was unnerving, the dark side of the force was strong there and although you were able to ignore it, for the most part, you would’ve rather been in a less depressing planet. 

Ben rasped a question, “Is everyone gone?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled. You had to wait for Rey to leave to avoid a fight with her, mostly for your sake as a force user. You wouldn’t have been able to control yourself when you were aware she had decided to abandon Ben there. 

He nodded, almost resigned, and let himself fall onto the sand. You were too tired to do anything else, so you sat down on the sand too, still eyeing him. 

Ben was uncomfortable, the force told him to trust you, to follow you— but that place tempted him to stay, to go back to his very recent past. Had it all been worth it? He hoped it was, but hope had never favored him. 

You grew tired of only sitting down, as any other living being would, and nodded up north. “I’ll be on the ship if you need anything.”

He found weird your choice of words, calling it the ship instead of your ship. Ben wasn’t sure if it was an invitation, but he took it as just that, his fear of being left again taking over him. 

He followed you as the force guided him to do, watching your every step in worry. His confusion about why had you healed him was more palpable than ever, why would anyone save him, let alone someone like you? But he didn’t ask in case it had been a mistake, which was what had probably happened, he actually didn’t say anything to you— not even in the ship. 

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

You wondered why the force had guided you to him as time passed. Ben was insufferable, always wanting to be the pilot, always in a bad mood. You tried to understand, but you had to be honest with yourself— you were starting to see the person Stormtroopers complained about. You remembered vividly, controlling your breathing to not give yourself away when you heard them talk about Kylo Ren’s tantrums. You had thought they were exaggerating, but now that you had met the supposed tamed version of the former Commander and former Supreme Leader of the First Order, you believed them completely. 

Clearing your mind was a chore around him, your vision through the force was getting cloudy and you could feel yourself slipping. Not wanting any of that, you changed your sleeping schedule as soon as you landed on the planet of Ben’s choice. 

Your plan backfired one night. Your mind started slipping, a burst of rage bubbled up in your stomach causing you to gasp. Images started flashing until you weren’t just seeing them but actually living them, at least through the force. 

A vaguely familiar young man approached a tree in a beautiful forest. You yelled for him to stop, the fact that he ignored you only getting you angrier. A sinister voice spoke, enticing you to approach it— following the path the young man had taken, you encountered a very rare sight. 

A deformed being embraced the young man as if comforting him. A chill ran down your spine and snapped you out of the... vision. 

You were drenched in sweat, hands shaking due to the adrenaline pumping through your veins. Out of instinct you turned to your right and saw Ben there, glaring at you. 

Before you could say anything, he asked, “why were you in my head?”

“I was meditating, it wasn’t intentional.”

“You’re bad at meditating then.”

Stars, he was such an ass. You cursed the force for being so adamant of having you near him, you truly did. “You’re bad at channeling your emotions which makes my mind slip!” you complained, standing up from the ship’s floor. 

Ben looked down, nodding. “I don’t know how to. The dark side...” he trailed off, a sigh escaping him as he pushed his hair off his face. “Raw emotions are important.”

You extended your arm, offering your open palm to him. Ben stared at it, the marks of non-properly healed injuries catching his attention as the light made them contrast against your dark skin. He wondered, for the first time in such a long time that he assumed it was actually the only one, about something other than his suffering and wounds— had the scars been part of your training? A mission? Did they tell a broader story like the one on his face? 

He tried not to flinch at the memory, how had he gotten the scar. The way your extended hand reminded him of his own after he killed Snoke and asked Rey to join him... he did what Rey hadn’t done and very slowly, afraid of you withdrawing your hand before he could do anything, placed his palm on top of yours. 

You silently guided him outside, his planet of choice was quite nice for the most part and that gave you an advantage. You had your mind set on helping him, it would be a tough job, a slow one, one you shouldn’t have taken upon yourself because fixing him wasn’t your job— but you wanted to do it, to help undo a wrong. 

Motioning for him to sit down on the grass, you did so too. He gripped your hand out of reflex, enjoying the sensation of being so close to someone. You didn’t react, allowing him to make himself comfortable. 

“Close your eyes,” you instructed, voice lowering due to the nature of the instruction and how late it was. 

He didn’t follow said instruction immediately, his eyes deviated to his side where you were sat as if making sure he had heard you correctly. Ben sighed heavily, muttering something that sounded like, “this is pointless,” before slowly fluttering his eyes closed. 

“Focus on your breathing, nothing else. Even it out.”

He hummed in acknowledgment, you could hear he had done so with his teeth clenched. The gesture proved to you how hard it would be to help him— it only inspired you to try harder. 

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

Ben insisted on gripping your hand as you guided him through meditation which for you wasn’t the right approach. Telling him that would have been setting yourself up for a fight, one you didn’t have the energy for. 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t made progress, but his outbursts were still frequent. He’d yell out of nothing, punch things when they got into his way, closed off if he didn’t like what you had said or suggested... you would’ve thought him to be a child if you weren’t weirdly attracted to him. 

The glimpses he had shown of the man behind all that anger and resentment gave you hope for him, for his future as a person, as a force user. They also intrigued you, his potential, how assertive he seemed to be, the way said glimpses made him look approachable. 

You were coming back from meditating on your own when you heard him yell. At first, you didn’t think anything about it, used to it by how often you heard him lose control. It wasn’t until you heard a loud wimpier that you asserted Ben was having a bad dream. 

The living arrangements you had found weren’t ideal, you preferred the ship than the two-bedroom and a bathroom place. You were used to your captain’s chamber, to going through different systems and exploring them. As you knocked on his door you wondered if giving that up had been the right thing to do just because the force had said so. 

The whimpers and yells continued, your instincts kicked in. Opening the door with the force, you turned the lights on, softly calling Ben’s name to not startle him. Your attempts didn’t work so you approached the bed, his sweaty forehead filling your field of vision. 

“Ben,” you called for him, a little louder than before. No answer other than more whimpers. You didn’t have any other choice but shaking him awake with a hand firmly on his muscular bicep. 

He jumped, prompting you to step back. He sat up, breathing heavily as the tears that had prickled his eyes as he slept rolled down his cheeks. You looked away, feeling you were intruding too much. Hearing him sniff broke your heart, the sorrow oozing from him into you in exchange from the guilt doing the same from you to him as you realized you had briefly complained about not doing what you wanted when he had never even being given the choice to know what he wished to do. 

You sat down on the edge of the bed in case he wanted company, his sweaty hand found yours as soon as you did so. His grip was bruising, almost crushing your smaller hand with his gigantic one. With a little bit of struggle, you rubbed your thumb against the back of his hand in hopes it would help him calm down and in the process lighten his grip. 

The effect wasn’t quite there, his grip did lighten a little bit but because Ben broke down crying. The shake of his body transferred to you through his hand, the sobs racking through him bouncing against the almost empty room. You slid your hand off his, placing your open palms on his shoulders. Your intention was to hug him, but you didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. 

He threw himself into your arms, however. You shifted to be more comfortable, your arms slowly wrapping around his neck as he hid his face in your chest. Letting him cry it all out, you rubbed his upper back to assure him it was fine. He embraced you tightly from the middle, again afraid you’d leave him if he didn’t do so. 

“Do you need anything? Something to dr—“ he interrupted your question by pulling you closer. 

You understood he didn’t want to be alone so you just continued hugging him, slipping your fingers through his damp hair and caressing it. 

“I’m tired,” he mumbled. 

Pulling away just enough to look at him, you asked, “do you want me to find you a sleep-aid?”

He sniffed, shaking his head. Observing his hair tickled your cheek as he moved his head, Ben parted from you completely. “Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah.” You made a motion with your hand for him to go on, making yourself comfortable and making sure you were facing him. 

Ben stuttered, nervous of saying what he was thinking and feeling out loud. He said it, very lowly in what you could only describe as a mumble. “I don’t know who I am.”

His confession wasn’t surprising. You felt his conflict through the force, you had felt it for a long time if you were completely honest. “Who do you want to be?”

He tilted his head, looking up in thought. Ben then shrugged, “it’s not worth it.”

Sighing, you stood up from the bed. “I can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped, Ben.”

“I want to be helped!”

“Act like it!” you snapped at him, “the force is with you, I am here with you— but you need yourself too and until you don’t get that through your head, we won’t make any progress.”

He stopped speaking to you, he avoided your presence at any chance. You imagined it was for the best, he needed time to find himself and you needed time to focus. 

You missed him enough for the force to try and pull you toward him. You resisted it as much as you could, sure it was more wishful thinking than anything else. You had made yourself believe the force wanted both of you together because of your crush on him, but every time you were near him his thoughts would slip and in every one of them, Rey was present. 

With them being the dyad and all, it was normal for him to have strong feelings for her. But you wished you were her— well, you wished you were in her place in relation to him. You had no interest in politics, that was why you had never picked a side— you didn’t belong anywhere but with the force and the force had guided you to someone who belonged by nature with the opposite of what you were. 

A part of you wanted to leave. If it wasn’t because you wanted to be there for Ben, you would’ve been in another system days ago. The force said you were doing the right thing; you weren’t sure. 

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

“(Y/N)?” Ben called for you quite timidly, his right hand gripping the doorframe as he stuck his head into the room. 

You took your attention away from your book to look at him. “Yes?”

“Do you want to train with me?”

“Uh...” you coughed, realizing you could offend him by hesitating. “Sure, yeah! Now?”

“Now.”

“I’ll get changed.”

You spent more time changing your clothes than you needed— you weren’t even sure of having needed the change of outfit but it was imperative for you to clear your mind and doing it helped. 

His stance as he waited for you startled you, it wasn’t like anything you had seen from him. His back was straight, but his shoulders weren’t tense, his jaw wasn’t clenched, his eyes looked calm— brighter even. 

What surprised you the most was his fighting style, he’d slip from time to time and allow his emotions to get to him but he seemed to have trained hard on his own to snap himself out of it. 

He suddenly towered over you, making you curse under your breath— you had gotten too distracted by his progress than now he had the upper hand. Ben smirked which prompted you to step to the side. Except you couldn’t because he trapped you in place with the force. 

He leaned in, the tip of his nose ghostly touching yours. “I’ve missed you.”

You would’ve rolled your eyes if you could. He was the one who had ignored you and cast you to the side for weeks! 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he explained. Realizing you hadn’t spoken out loud, he undid the force stasis.

Ben’s eyes were wildly tracing your face, waiting for an explanation you didn’t have. You weren’t really sure if he had read your mind or if he was talking about something else. 

He made your mind slip so often that you couldn’t help but think you had unconsciously allowed him to read it because he had you in a vulnerable position. He didn’t seem to share the assessment. 

“Can you hear me?” he asked cautiously.

“I can.”

Wide-eyed, you stared up at him. He hadn’t opened his mouth to speak but you had. You shook your head, “I’m tired, I should get some rest.”

Before you could turn around to go back, he caught your hand in his. “That’s why I missed you...”

“What?”

He explained, “the force. It wants us together.”

“I know,” you deadpanned. “But the force is... it could be wrong, couldn’t it? Why would it want you near someone when it bonded you to another person?”

He winced at your comment, shaking his head. “It’s different. My mother—“ he swallowed harshly so his voice wouldn’t break, “the point is the force doesn’t have limits.”

You stared past him, at the sky. It hadn’t looked as pretty as it was looking that night— at least not during your stay. The stars shone so brightly that although it was late the greenery was perfectly lit. 

“I’m not used to this,” you confessed. “People, staying longer than a few nights at a place... strong feelings.”

Ben hummed, “well, I can’t say the same but,” he sighed, interlocking his fingers with yours, “it feels... nice.”

It did, very nice. He tugged on your hand to pull you closer, waiting for you to say something. You kissed him instead of speaking, and he snaked his free arm around you instead of asking anything else. 

His lips were a little dry, mouth hot and touch warm. The kiss was as tender as one in a situation as overwhelming could kiss someone— at least it started like that. 

You barely made it to the living room when he asked if he could take your robe off and although you hesitated for a moment because you were sure he wasn’t used to women like you, you trusted your gut and the force and gave your consent. 

He was a passionate lover. It might have been the force at play but you had never felt so comfortable with a partner, so protected, so loved. 

The force knew what it was doing when it guided you to Exegol after all.


End file.
